Have you ever been stuck but didn’t realize it? I know I have. It’s funny because as soon as I recognize that I’m stuck, it’s so obvious, but somehow until that point it was muddy and unclear that there was even any friction at all.
How about this, you know you’re stuck but not sure why or maybe it even feels like a choice you are making to stay where you’re at.
I’ve been putting off writing this post for months, unsure what it was that I wanted to say or my motivation for saying it. I changed topics so many times and never sat down to write. The longer I waited, the more pressure I felt to produce something meaningful. I came up with plenty of reasons why it wasn’t important or that it wasn’t how I wanted to spend my time. Excuse, dodge, deflect, distract… Stuck.
Just last week I spoke with my coach and he used a metaphor that really resonated. Race car drivers spin their wheels before they head out to race. This creates friction, which creates heat and flattens out the surface of the tire, which creates a greater surface area, in turn creating better traction, or stickiness, to the road when they head out full speed ahead on the track.
Now if you don’t resonate with cars, I’m also reminded of this parallel to a runner who is about to set out for a race. When I was in cross country, we ran at least one mile to warm up for a 3.1-mile race. Why? Because our first mile was always the slowest. We start out cold and need to warm up our muscles and find our rhythm before we can lunge head-on into the race. Warm muscles (or tires) are essential for a good race and peak performance.
My coach made this connection to me today. I’m an input seeker. I’m a learner and I’m always looking to grow myself. He reminded me though that all this input is like friction and it’s great, as long as I move forward at some point.
Now as I sit here and digest this idea, I ask myself, what does this mean for me? I’m good at seeking input. The friction part, warming up and priming myself, but what happens when I just keep spinning? Or what happens if I intend to step out but instead keep finding reasons to stay put?
I struggle with imposter syndrome. The thoughts that do this to me are things like: There’s something else I need to learn before I… whatever … write that post, design that tool, create that program, etc. I just need to read this book or take this course, do this assessment or gain experience and mastery in an area before I can take that step.
If we bring it back to the tire or muscle metaphor, what happens to the tire if we spin it for too long? What happens to the runner’s muscles if they run too long prior to the race?
Well the whole point of the spinning or the warm up mile was to get the tires or the body ready to perform. Too much spinning can put the structural integrity of the tire into question and could make for a really messy situation further down the track. Running too much prior to a race could fatigue the muscles and result in a less than stellar time or breakdown mid-race.
So, what does this mean for me? Have I been spinning so long that when I step forward I spin out soon after, or maybe I’ll just fall flat. From the analogy I’ve learned that the whole point of my input seeking and spinning is to get me warmed up and ready to implement. To work toward the overall vision of becoming a better version of me. A more effective coach, mother, wife, friend, daughter and sister.
Perhaps, I consider these first steps after spinning for so long, my practice laps. A way to build my strength and confidence in new areas. A small step forward allows me to set out, while also allowing a safe place to take steps, make mistakes and process my learning. Additionally, this allows me to bridge the gap between where I’m at now and where I want to be in the future.
If I’m always learning and never practicing, then I only have the potential to make improvements. However, if I never take a step out, do I actually make improvements? Maybe cerebrally, but it probably doesn’t automatically translate without some sort of action.
PAUSE… What have I discovered?
Let’s break it down. As I wrote this out, I found themes for each progressive step and wrote them in as headers at the beginning of each thought. Then I summarized this flow at the end.
Vision (The Why): Let’s start with my vision – A vision tells me where I’m headed. What do I see down the road? What is calling to me? This vision informs who I am now, who I’m becoming, what I do and why.
In a class this week, one of my colleagues said she loves to remind her clients that we have a choice to, “Live life by design or live life by default.” A set vision allows you to live by design.
(There’s no one way to form a vision, however, if you need help understanding vision or coming up with one, here is a video explaining one process you could take.)
Part of my personal vision is that I’m growing and changing along with my clients, my friends, my husband and my kids. I’m eagerly working towards growing as a coach, mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend. I work to create meaningful connections with clients and all of those dear to my life in ways that leverage my values, strengths and passions.
The Who: What else is true about who I am? I’m on a journey. A lover of learning. Not afraid to ask questions or ask for help. Open to hearing feedback. Creative and inspired by nature, adventure and people living in their calling. Empowering others and living with passion brings me life.
Now, let me consider who I’m being and what I’m doing. An input seeker who is spinning.
Practice: So, if practice is the step between where I’m at now and where I want to be in the future, then my next step is to put what I’m learning into practice.
The How: For me, I have discovered that the best way I solidify something I’ve learned is by doing one or multiple of these things: talk it out, teach it, facilitate a discussion, or use it is with clients.
Recognition: This post is one way I can talk out what I’m learning. I’ve been doing some self-awareness and mindfulness work recently, along with considering how I’d like to develop my business further. Considering the ways I can add more value and become more valuable to my current and future clients. All great things.
As I sit here and consider what practicing these things looks like, examples flood my mind demonstrating areas where I am already practicing. Talking it out, teaching it to others in my personal life, using it where applicable in coaching conversation with clients.
Wait… I’m stuck because I’m not taking steps to practice, except now I’m realizing I am practicing. How does that work?
Perhaps part of this spinning for me is that I’m not recognizing the progress I’m already making in my practice. Not giving myself credit for the work I am doing. Rather, I remain focused on what is yet to be accomplished ahead of me. Versus seeing what’s right in front of me. That doesn’t seem fair, nor helpful. So first I must recognize the work I am doing, right here and now.
Celebrate! How often do we rob ourselves of a celebration of where we are at because we are too focused on the future? Clearly for me, a little too often. The simple act of recognizing my work brings me peace and calm. It’s heavy to hold all of that in my head, trying to make sure I don’t forget to use it. Simply taking the time to see where I am using it, actually relieves that weight. Then to say, wow I really am practicing this. Well done. Deep audible exhale.
So now what?
Keep it up. Movement is essential to growth. A seedling can’t grow into a fruit tree without growth. Sometimes we don’t notice how far we’ve gone or that we’ve moved at all, until we take a moment to really get present. Not looking too far into the future or too far behind, or being consumed with the anxiety of what could, should or might happen. Rather, remain present and experience what’s happening now. Choosing to step forward and often out of our comfort zone a little bit everyday gets us closer to our set vision, but it’s baby steps in our practice that will build the strength and endurance we need for the long haul.
To recap: Moving Forward
1. Start with your Vision.
2. Discover the Who – Who you are now and who you are becoming.
3. Determine or describe what practice is for you.
4. Establish How you best practice.
5. Recognize what you’re already doing.
6. Celebrate where you are now!
7. Keep up the good work.
I guess now the question is, how can you use this process we just uncovered together for something you might be spinning on? I hope it helps!
If you missed my previous posts, you can check them out here.